Monthly Archives: June 2010

And The Silicon Chip Inside Her Head Gets Switched to Overload

Oh my god, do you do things like this?  Please tell me you do things like this.

I carry whatever novel I’m reading into the bathroom and end up re-reading something in Cat Fancy I know I’ve already read eight times.

(I feel the need to explain why we have Cat Fancy magazine in the house.  Beyond the obvious, of course.  See, my Delta Skymiles were set to expire so in a fit of corporate thuggery that is yet to be believed by the authorities, Delta came to the house in the dead of night, placed a gun to my temple and demanded I order magazine subscriptions from a specific list of choices.  So it was either Cat Fancy or Cigar Aficionado.)

I buy soymilk and don’t use it.  But I have good intentions.

I always forget when I have soap under my thumbnail.  That’s precisely when I decide to gnaw on it.

I wonder why it is that people think god was watching over them when they survive an accident, but they never wonder why that same god wouldn’t prevent the accident in the first place.

I stack things on top of the cabinet where we keep our medicinal items because if I open the cabinet, I’ll see the mess inside and then before I can put things away, will be required to sort out the whole cabinet, taking the time to look at expiration dates and categorizing things before putting them back neatly.

I ask aloud to no one in particular why those things are still sitting on top of the cabinet instead of inside it where they belong.  I am deeply incensed when no one answers.

I make inappropriate jokes to my children and then wonder why they are so astonishingly sarcastic to me.

I listen to Erik Satie and think that perhaps I should reconsider calm.  Often calm also means blue.  A well-adjusted person doesn’t have a whole Pandora station based on Satie, does she?

I search for meaning in things where I probably shouldn’t.

I tell the cats that if they’re willing to wear little chapeaus and sit on the chairs rather than on the table, we’ll have that little catnip tea party I’ve been promising them.

I order my children to leave me alone unless they want me to find something for them to do.  (This sounds eerily as if I’m throwing my mother’s voice.  A maternal talent that goes vastly under appreciated and underpaid.)

I don’t seize the day as often as I should.

I ask MathMan to find me a beekeeper’s suit on ebay so that I can mow without getting stung by those hornets in the ditch.  For those of you wondering why I don’t look for it myself, please note that MathMan enjoys the hunt.  And I’m not going to take that away from him.  There remain so few joys in his busy life these days.

I write LOL on people’s facebook stuff if I actually LOL.

I sing to every Indigo Girls song on the radio.  Even if someone is in the car with me and begging me to stop.

I laugh with my mouth wide open.

I read blogs but never comment.

I look at my geraniums and think they need to be tended, but then I never get out there to do it.  (May be related to my need for a beekeeper’s suit or not.  Could be my inability to follow through on complete thoughts.)

I try to write descriptions of people I see in random places without them noticing that I am actually observing them and then making notes.

I don’t get out much.

I long for simpler times that never were.

And you? Let it out.  Isn’t confession good for something?

I’ll take one.  And the suit, too.

I want to say thank you to Kirie at Three Little Chickies who recently sent me a message telling me to watch my mail.  Well, I did watch the mail even after the mail carrier asked me nicely to get back in the house and put some clothes on.  Then a box from Kirie arrived.  The package inside was wrapped so beautifully, I had to be made to open it.  My daughters, as it turns out, can be very persuasive.  I still can’t believe they held the kitten who isn’t exactly a kitten any more over the open flame of the gas stove.  Dang.

How cool is this?  I’m all set in my endeavor to get fit. And after the next five pounds come off, I’m using the Sephora card to reward myself with something girlie and decadent.

Thank you, Kirie.

Put Away My Gun

You don’t come here to hear how busy I am as I sit on my spreading butt and read, right?  Well, that’s what I’m doing.  I’m reading and reading and then doing a little light reading.

Well, there’s reading and then there’s reading.  What I’m doing today is more like studying.  I’m actually taking notes.  In a notebook!  I’m not writing on my hand, the back of a receipt or in the margins of my mind.  I’m even using pen instead of a crayon.

This will help me to write a first person perspective of a historical event.  Or so I tell myself.  Sure, the story is fiction and the event itself is pretty fantastical, but I want to at least have some of the detail correct.  That’s why I’m reading Voices of Valor and listening to the cd of it on itunes.  Fascinating.  Gut wrenching and fascinating.

It’s reading with a purpose.  I’m not writing, but I’m doing research and not the kind that typically finds me skating away, link after link, until I’m looking at photos of old manor houses and watching videos of Peep Show on hulu.  I am forever tripping over my own obsessive qualities.  I don’t need enemies as long as I have myself, I’m afraid.

When I get a little war weary, I take breaks to read a few blogs and studies about self-abuse (thanks, Joe the Cop!).

It’s been kind of an odd day.  Even for a Monday.  A librarian yelled at me this morning.  Okay, she didn’t actually yell at me, but she spoke rather sternly to me as I checked out four Elizabeth Berg books plus two more novels from other authors.  I don’t know why the Berg books got her crinkled.  I also checked out three Inspector Morse dvds and a Midsomer Murder.  She didn’t critique my dvd choices.  Maybe she doesn’t like Berg, but was too nice to say.  She voiced concern that I might burn myself out by reading too much of one author.  She may have a point.  Now I feel bad about making her worry.  And for shouting “Who are you, my mother?” at her as I stomped away from the counter.

This general loopiness is probably a result of the fact that I’m back on the low glycemic lifestyle change called The Belly Fat Cure.  That could win an award for least charming title.  I know it works. I knocked off four pounds by doing it half-assed for three days a few weeks ago.  Now I’m serious about it.  I know, you’ve heard that one before.  But really, I can’t stand myself.  I’ve been mainlining confectioners sugar when I’m home alone.  Remember when I used to amuse myself by surfing internet porn?  Now I look at dessert recipes.  Listen, when you go from porn to puddings, you’ve got a problem.  Looking like a pudding is one of them.

What are you reading or getting yelled at about these days?

Do You Know the Muffin Man

I suspect that when Sophia looks back at this summer, she’ll remember it as the summer she learned to cook.  Or more precisely, the summer her mother stopped giving a damn.  The poor kid is only eleven and I’ve kind of checked out.  Not that she minds.  As long as she can make herself a grilled cheese, she’s cool with it.

This isn’t really a new dynamic for us.  She’s been a latchkey kid since she was too young to be.  By the time she was able to stand on a chair to turn on the stove, open a Campbell’s soup can and empty the contents into a pan, she’s been ready to be on her own.  Sadly, Georgia does not issue work permits or drivers’ licenses to six year olds.

So far this summer Phia has mastered cake from a mix, homemade buttercream frosting from the Wilton recipe, grilled cheese sandwiches, beef and broccoli stir fry and pie crust.  “Mom, you have to stay out of the kitchen while I do this” has become the rule.  Fine with me.  I’ve got porn to surf.  Besides, she can read.  She can follow a recipe.  She doesn’t need me hovering about.  And when she does need me, we yell back and forth across the house, but I do not cross the threshold of the kitchen.  It’s like a Gordon Ramsey scene without all the swearing and ego.  Mostly.

“Try this.”  She thrust a buttercream covered beater into my face mid-twitter.  I hit tweet and took a lick.

“Excellent.”  And it was. Sweet, but not too sweet.  The consistency was perfect.

“Can I frost the cake now?”

“Knock yourself out, sister.”  I took another lick.

“Mom, when can I learn to do the filling for a pie or a cake from scratch?”

“Oh, we still have July, right?”  This is me trying to wiggle out of commitment.

“Yes, but you promised.  You said…”

I held up my hand to cut her off.  “I don’t remember that.  And if I did say, it was probably while I was still sharing the office with the litter boxes.  The contact high from cat urine makes me say all kinds of things I don’t mean.”

Her face drooped. Then she got an idea.  Logic.  Yeah, logic works with me.

“Please?  What good is it to know how to make a pie crust if I can’t make the filling?”  She parried.

“Good point.   But at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you can do something lots of adults can’t do.”  I dodged.

She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me with those root beer eyes.  If logic wouldn’t do the trick, then brown-eyed manipulation would.

I hate her sometimes.

“Fine.  This weekend.  Okay?  We’ll make another chocolate chess pie.  Or how about a chocolate cream pie like Grandma makes?”

“Good.  Okay.  And the cake from scratch?”

“Look, let’s not push it.  We have five more weeks before school starts.”

“Fine.”

We’re still working on the clean as you go method, but good for her.  She’s going to be far more self-sufficient than those other two layabouts. That’s partly my fault.  I’m such a control freak I didn’t invite them into the kitchen as much.  Come to think of it, though, Sophie invited herself.   And when I attempted to shoo her out, she resisted.  She’s always been determined to learn her way around the kitchen.  Before she was tall enough to reach the counter, I’d have barely said the words “Ah, not right now, sweetie, why don’t you go watch….” before she was standing on a chair next to me, her little apron tied around her waist.

At least when she informs me that she plans to live with me forever, I know that means I’m set for desserts.

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Photo by Craig Bender

This post is not for the faint of heart or those who do not understand that I am all talk.  Got that?  All talk.  No experience.  None.

I think I discussed enough gay sex yesterday to keep me sated for a while.

Why are you looking at me like that?  This is what passes for solid mother/daughter time these days.  She drives, I ride, we chat.  About things.

And the eleven year old in the back seat of the car?  She’s kept deaf and dumb by the clever pumping of Top 40 Radio into the back speaker at ear-splitting levels.  When she did show the temerity to lean forward and inquire if we were discussing sex, we shushed her and turned the volume up another notch.

Actually, I tried to play dumb.  Who me?  Know something about anal sex?  The difference between being the Top and the Bottom?  Lube?  Listen, sister, I’ve had sex three times.  Missionary only.  Never on a Sunday.  And I made point of not enjoying it by silently reciting some passage of Faulkner while I endured it.  Hear me and hear me now – sex is gross.  Yuck.  Never do it. 

And then I slipped up because I became distracted by a text message from one of the kids’ therapists and mentioned that were I a gay male, I would probably get bored with giving blow jobs eventually because I’m good for about three minutes that way and I’d probably learn to like taking it up the butt because I’m a people pleaser.  Except not with your dad because what he didn’t get in height, he got in the trousers and I’m rarely ever so drunk that it doesn’t hurt a little.

The nice policeman who filled out the accident report said her car should be fine.  Any body shop worth its grease would be able to knock out the lightpole shaped indentation in the passenger side door.  I wonder now if she tried to kill me.

It’s funny how our children think they can shock us. What silly games we all play.

And yes, it’s true, I am not a gay man nor do I think I’ll ever be one unless reincarnation works, And golly do I hope it does. But that’s because I fear death and wish for another chance to do things right.  Or to at least have tall, good-looking skinny genes.  And if that means I’m a gay man?  Cool.  Going with current standards of stereotypes, I can count of having good fashion sense for a change, too.

Anyway, listening to Chloe talk about gay sex was interesting and all, but what it really served to do was remind me of a time when it was all before me – that future thing.  It’s a strange connection, I know.  But here are my precious and her friends with the madcap sex adventures and new ideas and they’re so young and ready to pounce on the future and I think, dang….where did the time go?  My time, not theirs.  They can worry over their own crows feet and gravity morphed bits and bobs when they’re forty-four.

And then I heard the Smiths on an episode of Gavin and Stacey after someone with a new blog address posted it on Facebook.  Ah, the music I listened to when I was their age.  And I thought it really is flying by.  As Ferris says, life moves pretty fast….I may not be nineteen anymore, but with the genetics I do possess, it’s likely I have another forty years.  Better stop and look around a little bit before I miss any more of it.

And you, my straightlaced friends? What are you playing dumb about these days?

Oh, one more thing.   I may be fooling around a bit with those new blogger templates.  If you come back and don’t recognize the place, now you know why.  Someone’s been rearranging the furniture again.

Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine…

And Breakfast in Bed, Too

January 22, 1999

Father’s Day 2007 – The Reenactment

 So today we honor those guys who are fathers, daddies, dads, pops, daddios, papas et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.  This parenthood thing is kind of a trip and after twenty years at it, I’m still not sure we’re any good, but I think it’s safe to say that MathMan is better at it than I am.  Well, at least he’s more sane about it.  Lately I’ve been mumbling some rather unpleasant and unmotherly things about the children we’ve produced.  No, that’s not entirely true – I’ve graduated from just mumbling about it to putting it into writing.  (Gasp! Another new writing project?  How about you finish one first!)  I even gave it a working title – Motherhood and Other Acts of Depravity.  Just little jottings here and there, you know.  Sadly, I fear it may end up being my seminal work.

Speaking of semen, I did ask MathMan recently if he thought it would be too harsh to tell the kids that they’re only here because he used to like to stick his penis into my vagina and leave his DNA?  With the predictable eye roll, he ruled that yes, it would be too harsh.  He laughed though.

But this should be about him, not me.  So here it is.  Thank you to MathMan for being a great father.  You’re no Alex Stone, but then I’m no Donna Reed.  Not the most demonstrative man on the planet, each of our kids still know they’re loved because it’s that evident when they banter and joke with you.  Especially when you think I can’t hear it.  It’s like music to my soul.  And I love how you respect their brains, their individuality and their beings.  It’s quite something to see each of them reflect back to you your unquestioning belief that each of them will do great things and be good people.

And Happy Father’s Day to my own dad who wouldn’t dream of using a computer to read this, but who will one day (hopefully) be able to hold one of my books in his hand and say “So this is what you meant by writing.”  That will be right before he sees his name in the dedication.  And then I’ll tell him to put the book down unless he wishes to be embarrassed to death by what he might read there.  I should go now and call him and see what the weather’s like and what kind of birds are visiting the feeder we gave him this time last year. And to thank him for not killing me when he had plenty of justifiable homicide opportunities.

Happy Father’s Day to those of you who’ve left behind your own DNA and stuck around to watch it turn into something pretty amazing.  Well done, you.

Yes, You Read That Right. And It Still Doesn’t Make Any Sense.

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but once upon a time I had a coworker who would, during a particularly rough period at work, announce to the bullpen that she wished for a time machine so she could find the first woman who thought her husband was at the office having a party and decided that it would be swell to get out and work, too.  Once she found that woman, her plans were to do some rather unpleasant things to her.  She’d go on to describe those unpleasant things in graphic detail.  Sometimes with sound effects.  Back then in the 1990s when we were in them there boom times economically, all us secretaries or administrative assistants yucked it up pretty good.  Wadn’t no one runnin’ about screechin’ how we should all be glad to at least have jobs. Besides our bosses were either out of the office at their 2.5 hour lunches or safely tucked away behind closed doors.  Snoring.

But then came the 2000s and the results of massive deregulation and bursting economic bubbles and wars waged and surpluses squandered so the wealthy could keep more of their money and, well, castles built on sand and all that.

So now that I and so many others floating in this leaky boat of unemployment seem all but barred from that world of bad office coffee, overly complicated voice mail systems and public restrooms cleaned by someone else (usually), I realize that work wasn’t all bad.  I mean, at least it paid something.  And by the time I was asked out or “laid off,” I’d climbed pretty high on the ladder. So there’s that.  Joke’s on me, though.  Now every fucking position posting demands salary info.  My last salary wasn’t high enough to keep us from the edge, but it was just high enough to ensure that my resume is going straight into the shredder if I’m daft enough to give my salary info.

Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

But the thing I’ve been itching to write about is the fact that besides a little money of her own, what probably really drove that first married and well-kept woman into the workforce was the mind-numbing sameness of every day when you’re a housewife.  Thank goodness I’m hanging on to the fantasy of writing this novel because if I didn’t at least that to hold on to I might just do a Sylvia Plath.  You don’t think I rented a house without a gas stove, do you?  If I’ve learned one thing, it’s plan ahead people, plan ahead.

(Oh, there she goes again with the suicide jokes.  Such a facile attempt at humor.  Or is it a cry for help?)

But really, it’s wash the clothes, put the clothes into the dryer, fold the clothes, put the clothes away because otherwise the clothes will spend 3.2 days on the floor and then end up clean, but having been slept on by cats, back in the laundry hamper.  Or, more accurately, next to the hamper.  No one can be bothered to actually put things into the hamper.

It’s the same with the cooking and the cleaning and the carrying Target bags full of used cat litter to the basement.  It’s all just so much of the same stuff over and over and over until you think “Yes, I may not be thrilled with having to stand at the photocopier or sit through tiresome meetings, but at least I can dress up a little and maybe have a leftover Napoleon when the conference room clears out.”  Not to mention the paychecks.  Those are nice, too.  No matter how trivial or insulting to our sense of self worth.

I’m sounding a wee bit defeated today, aren’t I?

Well, we’re still sucking it up as much as we can.  Cancelling, couponing, cutting, clearing out.  MathMan has become a bit of an ebay selling machine.  Still, some days it’s not enough.  Yesterday the water company robo-called and since I wasn’t sure how long our grace period was, I took action.  I asked Chloe to help out. 

“Hey, will you pay the water bill and I’ll pay you back with interest when Daddy gets paid.”
“With interest, what does that mean?”
“You continue to live here rent free.”
“Not funny, Mom.”
“Yeah, well neither is not flushing the toilets for a week and a half.”
“Point taken.”

It may not be much, but sometimes those small victories can keep me going for another day.  Just so I can do more laundry and bake brownies and………oh, fuck it.

Don’t You Know There’s a War On?

I sat on the can reading an ancient Erma Bombeck that I picked up the Friends of Library book sale the other day and  laughed so hard that the kid sprawled across my bed watching some Disney Channel something or other called in to make sure I wasn’t finally melting down to nothing.  It’s not like they’re waiting for me to finally once and for all lose it, but let’s just say a few days after such an event, one of them would say “Well, that was bound to happen sooner or later, wasn’t it?”  To which they’d all self-consciously agree no doubt.

Anyway…..

“Laughing or crying?”

“Laughing!”  I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to go back to reading.  Too difficult.  I’d reached the laughter point of no return.  You know the one?  Can’t stop long enough to focus.

I put the book down, finished my business and stood staring at my blotchy face in the mirror. While I washed my hands, I realized that by not really writing much about MathMan, I’m missing out on a lot of material.  Sure you may think I write a lot about him, but oh baby, I barely scratch the surface.  And it’s not bad stuff.  It’s funny stuff.  The man is full of delightful one liners and spoonerisms, and what’s more, he’s a constant source of physical comedy.

Don’t judge.  It wouldn’t exactly be like I’m picking on him.  Besides, like he’s always telling me, he chooses to be here.  It’s not like the madness is news to him.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a cat on my lap who keeps trying to scratch behind her head without falling off.  I guess that’s my cue to start picking fleas.  Good thing I’ve grown out my talons again.

So tell me, what have you missed out on lately?

But At Least Now I Know Who Peter Orlovsky Is…

Oh my god.  I said Sunday, didn’t I?

I swear, I should just put duct tape over my mouth and cut off my fingers because I never do anything I say I’m going to – especially if it involves the computer.

Is there a better word for addiction? Or weakness?  Lack of conviction?

Let us recap, shall we?

About a week ago I said I was going to try to stay off the internet, particularly the social networking media, for thirty days.  Knowing that thirty consecutive days was setting an unattainable goal, I settled for six days in a row giving myself Sundays off or on, in this case.  And, of course, I didn’t manage it.  I even tried to write out my goals each day in my moleskin, referring to it on more than one occasion to remind myself of what I was attempting to do.

By Wednesday, I’d stopped writing out my goals and my moleskin hid itself out of shame.  It hates being the written record of my failures and self-deceit.  I’m sorry, moleskin.  Come back!

In the win column, I can say with no hesitation that I decreased significantly my online time.  Especially that non-productive time.  I can also report that I finished reading Skin Deep by E.M. Crane and Say When by Elizabeth Berg.  Both of them delightful.  See reviews here.  I have a crush on Elizabeth Berg’s writing at the moment.  I also managed to work out several times and wrote several thousand words as part of the manuscript.  And – the big thing because I’m a little slow on the pick up sometimes, I mapped out how the rest of the book goes so I finally have a framework.  The writing’s been much easier since then.

Being offline did give me the gift of time.  I baked a cake, went to the library a crazy number of times, and even spent an afternoon poking around shops, but not buying anything with the girls.

I also wrote a short story that you can find here.   Thanks to those who’ve left comments and offered critique.  I appreciate it very much.

There is a bit of news.  I’m going to be blogging at a new place.  Be sure to bookmark it.  I don’t know why these folks were crazy enough to invite me, but it looks like DCup may be resurrected.

So if I were to grade myself for the week, I’d say I earned a C.  A good solid C.

Around here, there’s been the usual chaos.  I watched the Americans play the English in the World Cup yesterday.  It took me about five minutes to tune out those horns.  Even then I had to watch with the sound way down low.  Jesus Christ.  I would last thirty seconds in that stadium with that racket.  I would have enjoyed the game much more if the plate of french fries and beer and I kept wishing for out loud had materialized, but a friend told me that I have to plan ahead and stop with the magical thinking.  Oh.

My parenting skills and patience were sorely tested all day Saturday.  Seems someone had to learn by doing that mixing your hard liquors, rum in Daiquiris followed by vodka shots, leads to misery the next day.  All I can say is if I had phoned up the Big R and asked her to come retrieve me at my friend’s house because I was too sick to drive, she would have responded differently than I did.  I mean, that was the woman who marched into my bedroom and turned on the New Years Day Parade full blast on January 1, 1981.  That was the morning after I learned that Jim Beam and Jack Daniels were dangerous friends for a 15 year old who weighed all of 85 pounds.  But then, when I was this child’s age, I was living on my own in an apartment with my boyfriend because the thought of leaving him behind and spending the summer with my parents was enough to make me too sick to drive, too.

So armed with a bucket, a can of warm Sprite, and a straw, I was dropped off at the friend’s house so I could drive somebody home in her car.  I noticed that the townhouse next door was for rent.  Maybe we should just move there so that when Drinky McDrinkerstein decides to learn another hard (liquor) lesson, she can just slither home.  Or better yet, I could simply mince next store and enjoy the party, too.  That way, I could either (a) tell her when she’s had enough or (b) be too damn happy to care (and be so sick myself that I’ll be of absolutely no help to her either way.)

And thus ends Sally’s sanctimony.  I don’t think she’ll be giving me the stinkeye anymore when I drink.

And then there are the other two who presented different kinds of challenges in their own right.  Let’s just say at one point last night, I put down my second glass of red wine, looked MathMan straight in the eyes and asked “Why did all of our children pick today to go out of control?”  He wouldn’t even stop gambling online long enough to attempt to answer me.

Gmail won’t work for me anymore and one of the cats now has a Facebook page. And I don’t even know why I’m telling you that except maybe you want to friend her.  Fiona Golden.

So here we come up on another week.  I would love nothing better than one day when I don’t crawl into bed thinking that I’ve failed again.  We’ll see.  I’m so done making promises I can’t keep.

And just now I spent twenty-seven minutes finding and saving FAIL pictures from the web because, well, I don’t even know anymore.  When I finish writing this, I’m going to google 12-Step programs for internet addiction.

That moleskin is never coming back, is it?

So how are things in your little chaotic corner?  News? 

Short Story: The One He Left Behind

I know I said Sunday, but I woke up this morning with this story in my head.  It had to be written.  Then, once it was written, I wanted to share it.  So.  I’ll be back on Sunday to talk to you about things that might have been if I’d been someone different.

A bientot,

Lisa

Oh and P.S.  Why would you believe me when I say Sunday anyway?

************************************************
The One He Left Behind

Timmy watched his mother fussing about the tables next to the large window.  She used her slender hip to shove a table for two up against its neighbor.

“Come here, Timmyluv.”  It was her pet name for her seven year old son.  She used her sweetest, softest voice.

Timmy let her position him at the little cloth-covered table that looked out onto Church Street.  He searched her face for something.  She’d been acting all funny.  She’d been like that all morning while he lay on the rug and played with his tin soldiers and drew pictures.  Later, when she went into her room to get dressed for work, he thought he heard her crying in there.  The strangest thing was when she told him to dress in his nicest clothes.

Instead of leaving him with Mrs. Hatcher for the afternoon, she held his hand when he let her and they walked together to the tea room where she worked as a server.  She’d never done that before.

“Bring your soldiers, Tim.  You’ll want to keep busy.”  Her voice sounded shaky to him.

He gathered them up and put them carefully into the little metal box where he kept them safe.  It was only as they were leaving that he noticed he’d missed an infantryman.  Now he lay alone in the middle of the worn rug.

“Wait!” He tried to change directions.  She nudged him out the door.  “We can’t be late!”

He kept quiet about the soldier.  Now he watched her from his seat by the window.  His feet hung down, but didn’t quite touch the floor so he could swing them back and forth, back and forth.  She looked toward the window and nodded at a lady and man who stood on the other side of the glass.

The man was tall and thin.  He had dark hair and his hazel eyes crinkled up at the corners when he smiled at Tim through the window.  Timmy looked at the lady next to him.  She wore a red hat on her yellow hair and her dress matched. She looked like his mother when she got dressed up to be in Aunt Evelyn’s wedding.

Now his mother turned to him.  “Fancy a bite to eat then?”

He nodded and opened the little box.

A few minutes later, his mother came back and put a small plate of biscuits on the table.  She set a glass of milk next to the plate and stood back a little bit to look at him.  Tim wanted to smile at her and say thank you, but he just kept on playing.

The tall man and the lady in the red hat were now sitting at the table squished up next to his.  He cast them a sidelong glance.

The couple talked to each other, but Tim noticed they looked occasionally in his direction.  Now he didn’t take his eyes off the battle scene in front of him.  He didn’t even look up when his mother came up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders.  They felt cold, even through his shirt and knit vest.

“Timmy?”

He tilted his head all the way back until he could see her pretty face.  He wished for a moment that he could turn his head around on his neck like an owl.  He’d read about owls in an old book at Mrs. Hatcher’s.

She smiled at him, but what?  Perhaps because he was looking at her upside down her smile didn’t seem quite right.  She nodded toward the couple.  “Mr. and Mrs. Babcock would like to speak with you.”

Timmy snapped his head forward and took a cookie from the plate.  He held it up to his mouth, but didn’t take a bite.  His stomach felt full of stones.  He could smell the scent of vanilla coming from the treat but the thought of putting it into his mouth and chewing made him feel sick.

Mr. Babcock cleared his throat.  “So you have some pretty nice soldiers there, huh?”

Timmy looked at his face, but quickly looked away.  He put the disc back on the plate and ran his finger alongside the glass of milk.  The cold felt good on his shaking finger.  Better than his mother’s cold hands felt on his shoulders.

Now the woman spoke.  “Do they have names?  Your soldiers?”   When Tim glanced at her, she flashed him a warm smile revealing deep dimples.

Timmy felt his mother’s icy grip squeeze his shoulders a little tighter.   “He’s a little shy.”  Her voice sounded as nervous as Tim’s stomach felt.  Normally he would have wolfed down the biscuits and polished off the glass of milk and been scheming to get more, but right now he didn’t want to think about eating.  Ever again.

The man took some paper from his jacket pocket then produced a fancy pen that had writing on it in gold letters with swirls and curlicues.  “Do you ever draw, Tim?”

Timmy nodded.

“Want to now?”  The man extended his hand holding the pen toward him.

Timmy shook his head.

“Oookay.  Any ideas what I should draw?”  He’d pulled his hand back and put the pen to the paper.

Timmy looked at the man.  “You’re a Yank.”

The lady gasped.  His mother let go of his shoulders.  “Timothy!”

“It’s okay, Sharon.”  The man used Mum’s real name!

“My father was an American.  But he died in the war.”

The man put the pen on top of the paper and exchanged a glance with the woman.  “Yes.  Your mother told us.”

Timmy pointed to the pen and paper.  “Do you have a car back in America?”

The woman giggled.  The man sat up straighter in his chair.  “Why, yes.  We have two cars actually.”

“Draw them.”

His mother cleared her throat and tapped him on the head.  He got the message.  “Please.”

He watched as the man drew.  The lady left the table and his mother followed her.  They stood across the room talking.

“How did you know my mother’s name?”  He asked as the man’s pen scratched out lines and shapes that had begun to look like two cars parked in front of a garage.

The man tilted his head to check his progress.  “I knew your mother during the war.”

“So you knew my father then?”  Tim took the drawing the man had handed him and held it up to look at in the light coming in through the window.

“I knew him.  Yes.”

The women walked slowly toward them.  They were still talking.

“What was he like?” Tim’s mother didn’t say much about his father anymore.  She once spoke of him regularly, but about a year ago, she stopped.   And Tim stopped asking questions about him because the one time he did, she seemed angry.

The man looked at the two women who were now taking their seats across from them.  “Your father was a good man.  A brave soldier.”  He looked at Tim’s mother and she nodded a little.

“Mummy, look!”  Tim slid the paper across the table.  She picked it up and examined it.  “Yours?” she asked Mr. Babcock.

He nodded without smiling.  Mrs. Babcock shifted in her seat.

“Do we still have the drawings my father did? They were in your…” he stopped and looked at Mr. Babcock.

His mother looked down at the table.  The lady adjusted her red hat.  Finally, the man spoke.  “Sharon, we really should be going.”

Tim rattled the box with his soldiers in it.  “Mum, I forgot a rifleman on the rug.”

His mother searched his face.

“Sharon, we…”

“Tim, we’re going home when I’m finished working.”  She looked at Mr. Babcock.  Tim saw something he didn’t recognize until he got older.  Defiance.

Mrs. Babcock let out a breath.  Tim wondered why she’d been holding her breath, but then he noticed that he’d been holding his, too.  She reached across the table and took the man’s hand.  “Honey, we should go.”

Mr. Babcock nodded then turned to Tim who gave him a crooked, careful smile.

“Yes.”

“It was lovely to see you again,” Tim’s mother scooted her chair back to stand.  “Will the two of you please come again sometime?”  She met Mr. Babcock’s gaze.

“Yes.”  He seemed to have used up all his words.

Mrs. Babcock took his hand and led him away.  He stopped in the middle of the tea room and turned “Tim?”  His voice filled the room.

Tim tilted his head and waited.  The woman tugged the man’s hand and he followed her out the door.  Tim could still hear the tinkling of the little bell over the door as the man’s face appeared at the window.  He watched as Mr. Babcock placed his palm against the glass.  He smiled, but his eyes didn’t crinkle up this time.

Tim gave him a little wave and then they were gone, swallowed up by the crowds on the sidewalk.

“I must get busy then.  Finish up.”  His mother retied her apron behind her as she watched him pick up his glass of milk and take a drink.  She reached out and tousled his dark hair before she walked away.

Tim took another long drink of milk while he watched the people passing by outside.  It had started to rain and many of them huddled under umbrellas on their way home from work.

He looked where the man had been sitting.  The pen still lay on the table.  Tim picked it up and placed it gently inside his little metal box.