Monthly Archives: July 2011

From the road

Thank you all for the well wishes. The cat hand-off went perfectly except I could have used much more time hanging out with Lyra. I’m so happy for this cat. He’s in a wonderful home where he’s going to be loved to pieces by everyone except Pearl, the fifteen year old cat. And who can blame Pearl? Who wants to be intruded upon by a younger, more energetic hottie?

I’m pleased to report that no family member has killed anyone else thus far. There have been quite a few funny lines delivered, but I’m reluctant to repeat them here because then you’d have further evidence of what savages we are.

The trip so far has been wonderful. MathMan’s sister and her husband have put us up in her suite of rooms which is lovely and newly remodeled. We’ve seen friends and family and driven around the old haunts.

Have I mentioned how homesick I am for this place?

There will have to be more later. There are still bagels and hot dogs to eat and can you believe we haven’t even had a single slice of pizza? There’s also a potential meet up with one of my long time blogger friends and a trip to the beach.

Did I mention how homesick I am for this place?

Until then, I miss you guys.

And we can listen to XRT!

It’s going to be a busy weekend. We’re leaving today to take Pork Chop to his new home in Illinois with Lyra and her family and while we’re there, we’re going to visit family and friends and eat. So far our list of food musts includes:

Super Dawg
Lou Malnati’s
Adreani’s Pizza
Marie’s Pizza
Bagel Country
And one of any number of coffee shops like Kappy’s on Dempster.
We’ll also be bringing home a sack of Kaufman’s bagels, I tell you what.

When we come home, I’m going to weigh 20 lbs. more, I tell you what. And yes, I realize that our list lacks a certain variety, but we’ll probably squeeze in another hot dog joint or two, if we can. There’s a fiscal method to this madness. After this trip, we won’t have to buy groceries for the remainder of the month. We’ll live off our fat.

We’re also stopping at the halfway point and I hope I get see amyg show is celebrating her birthday today so you might want to go wish her the best.

I am really looking forward to this. I’ve been so homesick for Chicago, I can’t even tell you. So on Monday, if you hear of an incident involving a silver-haired woman who had to be forced to stop clinging to the Welcome to Illinois sign while she cried that she wanted to staaaaaay! you’ll know who’s been at it again.

Here’s our route. Fascinating, I know.

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=42+Stonebrook+Drive+Southwest,+Euharlee,+GA+30120&daddr=1860+Illinois+Street,+60018&hl=en&geocode=Fc_qCAIdhQjw-im_04vMqUz1iDEGmh7I63m_8g%3BFR0qgQIdh_PC-inXPTnWrLcPiDEVpXdnhsJGmw&mra=ls&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.945679,56.513672&ie=UTF8&ll=38.07912,-86.371015&spn=7.88046,3.04693&output=embed
View Larger Map
 

See you on Monday or Tuesday. Until then…love, peace and all the rest.

P.S. CSPAN”s Washington Journal read one of my tweets this morning. It was both cool and odd to see my face on TV. Good thing I stopped using that avatar where I’m mooning the camera.

 P.S.S. In case you’re worried about my reckless broadcasting that our house will be standing empty, please note that the house is under tight security. You’ve heard the stories about my crazy ass neighbors, right? Well, they’re keeping an eye. And the five Pussies for Peace will remain at home where they are in very bad moods about being left behind. They have a few stern words for Rahm and are pissed to be missing the opportunity to meet with him in person instead of via Skype the way they usually conduct their bullying advocacy. Be warned.

Sometimes you remind me of a moonbeam

I composed some of this in my head as I drove through the dark, interrupting patches of fog, making my way to town.

I had things to do, a day to get on with and the earlier I got started, the more I could accomplish before my steam ran out.

Plus it’s always best to get to the grocery store early on Wednesday, the first day of the sales’ ad. It’s full of savings promise and not just a little excitement as it’s also the mystery penny coupon day and senior discount day.

Such a little life I lead.

More aware than I am in the oppressive glare of midday, I maneuvered the car around the curves, dimming the lights when crossing paths with other early risers. I was an intruder, an interloper taking up space on the roads where people with jobs sped toward offices, shops and plants. I could take my time, but didn’t. I remember those days of having to be somewhere on time.

I didn’t want to hear the news of the day, so loud music accompanied the whoosh of air cutting in through the open windows. A fingernail clipping of a moon was plastered against the inky sky. I dried my curls out the open window, the cool morning air a welcome change from the blast furnace I’m accustomed to waking up to during these unstructured summer days.

Call:  It was soooo early.
Response: How early was it?!?!

It was so early that the twittering of birds hadn’t yet replaced the synthesizer pop of crickets and night peepers. It was so early that when I arrived at the grocery store, I realized my miscalculation – they open at seven, not six.

I contemplated the Starbucks across the street, but dismissed the idea. I’d arisen at 5:15 a.m. in order to save money on groceries. A $4 cup of coffee rather flies in the face of that, don’t you think?

And so I sat in the Publix parking lot listening to the crickets give way to the birds, watching the store staff yawningly make their way inside, swallowing my envy of their purpose and their paychecks. I wearily eyed  other vehicles that came along because if those other early birds were coming to clear the shelves of the best deals before I got what I came for, I was prepared to cut a bitch.

I kid, of course. That’s what rainchecks are for. But still.

The sky faded to something less definite, more like a Yankee blue. The heavens have no use for the Mason-Dixon Line, I guess.

The horizon turned milky and the salmon promise of sun spread between hills to the east. The streetlights blinked out one by one and I looked around for Dumbledore. Instead I saw two ghosts sharing a goodbye kiss at the end of the parking lot. They evaporated in the growing dawn and I went back to waiting.

Why we listen for the Calypso music

When I was a girl, the ice cream truck would come down our street at the edge of town. Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star. It’s a Small World….The man smiled as he handed us our cones. We sat on the edge of our driveway, licking as fast as we could, soft serve dripping down our wrists and onto our knees.

The little girl from next door – Kelly, hair cascading straight down her back like a golden waterfall, would approach the window and hold out her hand. Mr. Ice Cream Man traded her a cone for the handful of gravel, his grin never wavering. Who could resist those big blue eyes anyway?

How are you keeping cool? What’s your favorite snow cone flavor?

There’s a new vintage Adventures in Real Parenting here.

Adventures in Real Parenting: Would I lie to you?


The Spawn love Sunbeam bread. They claim it tastes superior to the White Wheat I prefer them to eat (please don’t lecture me about whole wheat bread – been there, tried that. Ended up composting most of it. Time and time again.). While extolling the superior taste of Sunbeam, The Spawn claim that it has a far better consistency and texture.

For those of you who don’t know, here’s a mom thing. We lie. A lot. I’m not just talking about the Easter Bunny or Santa or why there isn’t any more ice cream in the freezer – “Daddy must have eaten it….?”<MathMan loves when I sell him out. It’s part of the parent code. Whoever gets to the lie first, wins.No. Parents lie about little things and big things. For example, I’ve learned a way to get The Spawn to eat White Wheat bread without knowing it. I wait for the first few slices of Sunbeam to be removed from the loaf’s package then I take some slices of White Wheat and stick them between the smooshy Sunbeam. The crusts might have a variance in color, but that is hidden by the yellow on the packaging.

No one is the wiser.

This is a tradition passed on from mother to mother. Like my mother who sneaked liver into our hamburgers (that explains that) to prevent us from contracting the pernicious anemia that ran rampant through generations of her family, I force fiber onto The Spawn so that The Actor, Cupcake (aka Resident Evil) and The Dancer aren’t completely bound up with biological poisons.

Without fibbing, obfuscation and outright lying, I wouldn’t be able to complete a day of parenting.

From Webster’s New Pocket Dictionary. To obfuscate – Confuse; obscure.
Spawn: “Where is my Juicy Fruit gum? I swear I left it on my dresser.”

Me: “I don’t know. Did you leave it in your pocket and take it to school? “(hee hee, I’ve developed a recent craving for Juicy Fruit gum…)

Fib.
Spawn: Can I go to Florida with my friends over Spring Break?”
Me: “We’ll see.” (We’ll see in momspeak means I’m not going to say “no” now because I don’t feel like fighting about it now, but this is my way of buying time until you either forget or give up badgering me about this and go pester your father.)

Outright lie.
Spawn: “Mom, did you ever smoke pot?”

Me: “Of course not!”

When we first think of having babies, we make plans to be perfect parents. We make mental lists of all the things we’ll never do to our kids. Back in my pre-parenting days, I had a long  list of judgmental and naive I will nevers.

I had not a clue.

Now a seasoned parenting professional, I  see the error of my earlier ideals. In fact, with parenting, there are no ideals. Not if you want to stay sane, that is.

Dreams of a simple life with autotune

Photo: Lisa Golden, Minty Fresh

File under First World Problems.

I want to write a specific blog post but I can’t because the relevant photos are on MathMan’s computer because the school computer I’m borrowing won’t let me add any programs like Picassa and I can’t get to his computer right now because he’s busy watching Star Trek on Netflix while he goes through boxes of math stuff before school starts again.

All said in one breath.

P.S. I finished The Beginners. It was okay. The Raquel character was annoying as shit. She reminded me of someone I know in real life who yammers incessantly because silence so pains her. I don’t  think I’d like to meet her demons, y’all.

P.S.2.0  I may abandon Dandelion Wine for a bit. I picked up Lives Like Loaded Guns – Emily Dickinson and her Family’s Feuds at the library and I seem to be in a New England kind of mood.

P.S. Jr. Drinking rum makes me have weird dreams. (See mint above. Lyra, we’re on the same page vis a vis mojitos.)

And also, I keep thinking I should say something about the goings on in the world – Norway and such, but the truth is I am so despairing of it all. I know, such a delicate flower, right? But seriously, what can I add to the conversation except some expletives? I am, like susan, speechless.

The madness sallies forth and people want to know just how big are Nancy Pelosi’s tits? aka my blog stats. I mean, really? This cutting taxes and deregulation experiment is supposed to be working miracles on our economy and going on two years and I can’t find a job? I remain unconvinced, but then I am not of the ilk who sends their over-programmed, privileged children to camp in Maine to learn about the simple life. On private, chartered jets. Fear not, intrepid That’s Whyers! I do believe this economy is working for some people.

No, my kids are living the dream in the ‘hood with water balloon fights, fishing in the creek, snow cones from the Kona Ice guy and pick up ballgames. And some sorry sucker pays $10,000 for a few weeks for their kids to “experience summer?” How is it that if I’m so fucking clever I’m here and they are on private, chartered jets?

Okay, maybe not so speechless, but you guys know where I stand on most issues. Why repeat myself yet again?

I begin the week darkly. I hate being like this. I wish I could say that I hate feeling like this, but it’s being. Right now, I’m like this. It permeates every cell.

My favorite quote from a TV show yesterday?

“I wouldn’t wrap a dead dog in your gratitude.”  – Aurelio Zen, Zen on PBS

Before you go, I have an idea and and I want your thoughts. I’ve decided I need autotune for which to yell at my kids. Yes? No? What’s autotune?

Imma gonna go hug some kitties now. (If your answer above was What’s autotune?, watch the video.)

Stubborn

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
– Unknown

I frequently complain that The Spawn are stubborn. And lazy. And spoiled. And too smart for their own good. Geez, I just shouldn’t have procreated. I’m a sucky mother.

Anyway, back to stubborn. Stubborn runs in the family. My mother would have you believe that the stubborn comes from my father’s side, but that’s just not so. The hot-headed – that comes from the paternal branch, but the stubborn? That’s Mom.

Mom grew up poor as one of five children. Her mother held the family together and her father was often away working and drinking. The family lived in a rural area of the Southeastern Indiana hills. A big weekend was a trip to Granny and Grandad’s. That was a real treat.

Granny and Grandad lived on a small farm. I remember going there as a child and playing with old Dairy Queen dishes and spoons on the front porch. We’d put hedgeapples on the country road in front of the house so that the cars going by would smash them. They looked like green brains dotting the tarred road. The thing I remember most is the outhouse. Even in the early 1970’s Granny and Grandad didn’t have an indoor toilet. Can you imagine? Not much had changed since my mom as a kid – my great-grandparents remained on that farm, frozen in time, until they died..

When my mom (let’s call her L’il R) was about six years old, she and her brothers, sister and cousins were spending a weekend at Granny and Grandad’s. They were just sitting down to supper at the big country kitchen table when they heard the crunch of tires as a car rolled into the dirt driveway. Now if you’ve ever lived in the country or watched The Waltons, you know what happened next.

Everyone, young and old, leaped up from the table and raced out the kitchen door to see who was there. L’il R grabbed her hot dog and carried it with her.

Granny ordered L’il R to take her hot dog back to the table because there was only one for each person and Granny didn’t want the dog to steal the wiener from her. L’il R refused and before she could bat her long, black lashes, the pooch was running down the wooden porch steps, the hot dog hanging from his mouth. She began to wail.

The visitor was ushered inside and everyone returned to their supper. L’il R continued to cry and demand another hot  dog. Granny told her that there weren’t any more hot dogs. L’il R cried harder. Granny told her to sit down and be quiet. Eat what’s on your plate

Shedding more tears, L’il R ran to the screen door and announced that until she got another hot dog, she’d just hold the screen door open and “let the flies in.”

That was enough for Grandad.

My mom. The only kid in that whole mess of brothers and sisters and cousins to ever get a spanking from Grandad.

Stubborn.

And I tread a troubled track

Remember this story from PoliTits?

I am not fond of the RIP stuff that happens on Facebook and Twitter. To me it’s akin to those roadside memorials. Tacky. A need to become part of a personal, private tragedy. I am a judgmental fuck. I come from a world where emotions are best suppressed and life is to be faced with a thin-lipped grimness. To intrude on someone else’s loss is gross. I don’t want to be a part of it and I am embarrassed for the multitude of strangers who feel it necessary to voice their grief or even acknowledgment of a celebrity’s passing.

But today, learning of the death of Amy Winehouse, whose music touched me at a time when I lived with my own dangerous addiction, I saw the point. This is a person who had an impact on my life and it didn’t matter that she never knew. The lyrics on Back to Black were stories lifted from my life.

Thank you, Amy. And Rest in Peace.

And this.

Lessons from My Drive

Okay, so you know that I’ve been wearing a groove in the road from here (NW Georgia) to NYC. Well, in all that driving I’ve burned a lot of cash and a lot of fuel. Neither of those ideas much please me, I can tell you. But aside from that, I want to tell you something that I noticed.

There are a lot of people living close to the edge. Let me explain.

Th apartment in Brooklyn turned out to be a three floor walk up in a working class neighborhood. The reason I’m telling you this is for purposes of numbers. Population. See, for every three floor walk up, it’s probably safe to say that there are approximately three people or three families living in what may be, to the middle class eye, defined as rather sparse conditions. (I wouldn’t even begin to describe how the upper class or uber-rich person might define such living conditions. Come to think of it, those conditions simply do not exist to the uber-rich. They simply can’t see it.)

On my drive, I passed plenty of small old houses, manufactured housing, starter homes, apartment buildings, and rundown abodes. There were plenty of once beautiful, sprawling farms in Pennsylvania dotting Interstate 81. At one time, those farms were tidy, painted and proud. Now many of them have fallen into disrepair and neglect.

Everywhere I looked as I drove through the Shenandoah Valley, I could see farms and old homes. I was struck by the size of some of the farm houses that likely housed large families at one time. Now they are dwarfed by the size of a typical McMansion in a gated community. And these new palaces likely house families no larger than four people.

As I surveyed this slice of the American landscape, I was struck by the notion that there are more of us living close to the edge than there are those who are comfortably in the middle or sitting on top.

As gas prices rise and all the associated costs go with them, I can’t help but wonder how this economy is going to sustain itself. The price of petroleum touches so much, how can we not reach the breaking point sooner rather than later? How will people who are already on the edge keep from going over?

I know that we’re in that often-discussed category of being one paycheck away from disaster. Now that I’m unemployed, we’re spurred on to cut costs, but we’ll also be making some choices between what gets paid and what doesn’t. The two essentials – fuel and food – can be cut back some, but not completely. Those ever-expanding bills shrink what we can pay toward our mortgage, healthcare, and other expenses.

In the meantime, every time The Dancer tells me that she needs gas in her car (calm down, it’s a 95 Celica that was a gift from her aunt), I cringe. That edge moves ever closer. Even if I do find work, the edge is going to continue to inch toward us as daily living costs go higher and higher. We are not alone in this. I’m afraid we’ll have plenty of company in that economic tumble down. The old adage “safety in numbers” will have a bitter ring to it when counting the number of people at the bottom.

Originally posted May 22, 2008